Profile of My Abuser

Somehow, many of us continue to think that an abuser is an obviously deviant character that is easily extracted from a community of ordinary citizens. He must've been in and out of the juvenile delinquent system, as a result of his abusive home, or absent parent household. He must've been a product of poverty and possible illiteracy with ill-equipped surroundings. Perhaps he even murdered small animals.

As an adult, maybe he did drugs or alcohol (a continuation of his youth), or solicited prostitutes. If he went to college, maybe he was a loner or engaged in radical group activism. More commonly, he probably had many relationships with women in which he was equally abusive...

or not?

My abuser came from a solid, small, two-parent, stable, middle-class household. He was seemingly smart, and charismatic. He cared about his education and played sports. Although not very popular, he had a friendly, sociable nature and world-class humor. I mean, I wouldn't have been in a relationship with him had it been otherwise. I was queen of my throne!!!

Then came the kids, the abandonment, the poverty, the anger...the RAGE. It built so slowly that I never recognized it the majority of the time I was in it.

I remember that he was so concerned with his appearance...with effeminate mannerisms to the point of me questioning who was the "woman" in the relationship. He was engaged in rituals with his appearance that were almost ridiculous. In fact, it cost us every extra penny that we had to keep his fatigues new, and crisp, and his boots glassy and scuff free.

He was just like a stage performer. To this day, you'd think I was lying if you saw him. In fact, if everyone that we knew then knew the story now, they'd say I was lying. He excelled in the military like it was a divine gift. And they gave him all the gold stars to go on his chart. A+ for the E-2, aka Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.

I'm tired now, I'll give the flip side later...

See also

I have a response for "Ms. Hyde" here.

0 advocates for peace: