I'm not really conflicted; but I do see both sides of the argument--that argument being that if there was such a great, merciful, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent God, why did he allow these things to happen to me? or to anyone? I know the Christian answer commonplace answer, I just don't accept it...so I try to find a border between what I see, what I know, and what I feel.
On some days, I feel the darkest clouds hanging over my head, forcing me to stay in bed with the covers pulled over my eyes while the world is against me. On the rest of the days, I feel this burning desire to fight through those same clouds and prove to myself that I create my own destiny. Is this God? Does it even matter?
No. At the end of the day, I accept that there is a greater power, some being that put me here for some reason and that it is up to ME to figure out my purpose--it is not written on a scroll. Faith, is the belief in something, if even that something is me--believing in myself.
Every day I must connect with my faith, my spirit, the essence of my being in order to restore myself and create the person I want to be.
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