MyKayla's 50-50 Rant

ADadEveryDay- you have stated that children should be in “the most equitable situation possible.” I would agree, but how is being shuffled back and forth from one home to another in the name of “fairness” (for both parents) in the children’s best interest? It sounds to me that this is more about fathers feeling that they are getting their “equal share” than about what is truly best for the children.

True, any “arrangement” will end up being less than ideal for some parties, but as adults, it is up to us to put our own desires to the side, and do what is truly best for our children, even if it means that we have to sacrifice our own happiness to some extent.

Although one parent might “suffer,” for the stability of the children, the 70-30, arrangement is more than fair so that the children can have some normalcy in their lives. They know what their usual routine is, and they know when to “look forward to” a visit with the other parent. If everything is “split down the middle,” there is no usual routine because the children are forced to travel back and forth and often feel “divided.”

Further, if the father wants to have a true 50% of the responsibility of child-rearing, he must share in 50% of every aspect. That means washing clothes, school projects, making lunches, shuttling to extra-curricular activities, AND a straight 50% financial support. This includes locker fees at school, hygiene products, and school supplies (replenished throughout the year.) And I don’t mean just providing the money for these types of items, but actually making sure that the child has them, even when the child comes home and mentions it for the first time the day before they need it.

Also, just as the mother has to make accommodations for having children such as maintaining a 3 bedroom home versus a 1 bedroom because she has children, the father would have to do the same thing. No having the children sleep on pull-out couch!

The most ridiculous and perhaps least forgivable part of this arrangement is that 50-50 sharing would require that both parents remain in the same area because the children obviously can’t move from state to state to accommodate both parents. This is “unfair” that a parent has to miss out on an opportunity such as a career move so that the other parent can have his “50% share” of the child, especially if the marriage ended because of that other parent’s indiscretions. No, it is not ideal that the other parent has to wait until the summer to have the majority of his time with the children, but just as anything else in life, we cannot always have our own way.

This law has really missed the mark when it states that neglect or abuse must be proven because anyone who has been in an abusive situation knows that it is sometimes nearly impossible to prove that the abuse has occurred because it is often done behind closed doors in such a way that there is no evidence. This does not mean that it did not occur, nor does it mean that the children have not been affected by it. It is a mother’s instinct to protect her children, and she is sometimes forced to break the law to do it because such considerations have not been made.

Instead of passing laws about petty issues such as wording involved in child custody, they should be dealing with other issues that actually affect the child directly, such as finding ways to effectively enforce child support.