Personal Vindication

by Nancy R. Koerner – Naples, FL
Copyright © 2008 – All Rights Reserved

The domestic violence I suffered was long ago and although the years have now softened the edges, I remember how I felt when the scars, both emotional and physical, were still fresh. What I wanted at the time more than anything was to be vindicated, to be understood. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To be great is to be misunderstood." But it’s more than that. Innocence is never important to the guilty, but it is critical to the falsely-accused. I always wanted to tie my ex-husband to a chair, tape his mouth shut, and tell the world what really happened. I guess that’s why I wrote it all down in my autobiographical novel – the whole story, the terror, the jungle and the injustice, and ultimately the survival of the fittest. I am hoping that perhaps, through my story, I’ll get my vindication with interest, and inspire others at the same time.

Thousands of women are abused. Battering is a disease. It ravages American society. I want to help inspire and empower my sisters. I want them to get out more quickly than I did so they don’t lose what I lost. I want them to become vital and unstoppable, to act the part until they feel the part, if necessary, but to keep going, despite all odds. These abusers cannot be allowed to keep us trapped in crippling pessimism, to foul our hearts, and render us incapable of loving.

I remember the day I told him I didn’t love him anymore, that those emotions were gone forever, and that he could never have them back. As it turned out, by those words, I set myself free, his hold was broken, and he couldn’t hurt me anymore. I discovered that day that the opposite is love is not hate, but indifference.

Was it over yet? Not by a long shot. Was I still afraid? Absolutely. But it was a beginning. Acts of courage are always dangerous. It is the very nature of the beast.