I did the jean test the other day: I tried on at least 5 pairs of old jeans that I had proudly put away last year because they were too big.
There were 5 other pair in there with them that I absolutely could not fit in the recent months because they were too tight.
Well, now, out of the jeans that I just pulled out, I can wear 3 pair. And I fit them like a nice body glove.
I went upstairs to verify it, and yep, I weigh as much as I did during my marriage while I was severely depressed due to the abuse. I didn't think it was a big deal at first, because when I look in the mirror, I don't feel big. But looking at the number on the scale reminded me of a place in time to which I never wanted to return.
I know I should eat better, start exercising again, blah, blah, blah, but I almost would rather be depressed . Seems easier. Fixated on this weight gain, I'm simultaneously angry and sad and feel like I'm sinking. But my brain just won't let me drown this time.
I'm fighting.
Thursday
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3 advocates for peace:
It is time to quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something about the "weight" thing if you are not happy with yourself. It is not "HEALTHY" to be overweight ......Only YOU can change things!
It is really hard to pull out of it. I find comfort and forget about all my problems with a basket of deep-fried shrimp. (Mmmmm getting hungry again). But when one pulls themself together, it really helps build the self-esteem, and you'll want to forget about the things keep us out of those jeans. Remeber how ggod it was to fit into those jeans? Kepp working at it, it will happen. Hang in there, we all need to. Take care!
rightsformothers
Mmmm. Fried Shrimp! What's odd is that if you saw me, you'd never consider that I was overweight. No one does. So, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to people that are really fat. And THAT bothers me.
If I never got on the scale and saw the actual number, perhaps I wouldn't be as miserable. Because it really is the fact that it is the same number from when the abuse was going on...and also, I think a couple pair of the same jeans.
Maybe, I should get rid of the jeans.
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