4 Months for Randi James

You're right, I did skip the third month. It was October--domestic violence awareness--and I felt overwhelmed and completely saturated with it all. I had to take a step back because I was pressuring myself to commit to writing everyday for this blog. And then I relaxed and let the posts flow. This means sometimes several posts in a day, or no posts for several days--though I'm always thinking about it, often times I cannot formulate my words.

I found out about Rights for Mothers. I am excited about that site because the author presents a wide variety of information that is pertinent to our fight...some of it is old stuff, some of it is new. To me, our blogs compliment each other because the author typically posts facts/news, and I typically post my experience and opinion, coupled with facts and news...reading that site keeps me going.

I love the Momentum of Mothers--we fuel each other. We are all burned out in some way, but hearing one another's stories is invigorating. Someone always carries the torch.

I am torn about whether President Elect Barack Obama will be helpful or harmful to our cause because of his Responsible Fatherhood agenda. I will have more to say about that later.

I participated in a lively, and yet disgusting conversation on Womanist Musings (see her posts related to MRAs, there are 3 of them). MRAs/FRs attacked her viciously spewing all kinds of anti-woman garbage. I generally come in peace, and with questions, however, when I tried this, the MRAs either ignored what I was saying, or responded in such a way as to deny that I knew what I was talking about. Mostly they ignored me and I think that's because I tried to ground them in the reality of their statistics. But their reality is White male privilege, a lens from which they refuse to see without.

If you are not easily triggered, read the comments on all three threads to see how they attack with "women commit equal or more domestic violence against men," "women abuse children more," "men are victims, too," "women falsely charge men"...it's all the same. Many (if not all) of their myths are attacked at the Liz Library. Please visit the Liz Library--you can spend days reading all of the material on her site.

I have also been confused about why we have soooooo many domestic violence awareness campaigns and sexual assault awareness groups and advocacy that mostly involve women. No really, I am upset about this and battling with it because it is ultimately reactive--men commit the act of rape and thus are responsible for stopping it. I came across Men Can Stop Rape and was thoroughly impressed by their work. However, why aren't they EVERYWHERE? Why isn't it mandatory?

Women can be aware of their environment, cautious regarding their conduct and the behavior of others. We can take self-defense classes and carry mace. We can use weapons. Shit, DO YOU WANT US TO USE WEAPONS? Apparently, the NRA does (I'll delve into that later also). But it is truly men who can stop rape. On the other hand, domestic violence will be stopped when women are no longer oppressed and the patriarchy is overthrown.

Back to this blog, I am at around 5K hits. I have moved a few things around and am beginning assign my labels more descriptively. I probably will continue not to use father's rights or men's rights for any of the labels as not to lay out food for the trolls. Speaking of which, from now on "they" will be referred to by a term I heard Lundy Bancroft say, Father's Supremacists.

For previous posts that were unfinished or in parts, I don't know when I'll return to them. I'll continue to write as I am inspired. Please remember that this is very draining, yet very therapeutic. Who can better heal me than me?

And again, I will open this site to any survivor or advocate who wants to write anonymously, or not. This isn't just for me. And to those of you who continue to read, maybe one day you will have something to say, too. For now, I'll speak for you.

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