Moving Forward

Well, looks like I got through Thanksgiving--a big deal for me because I hate the holidays. I hate the idea of celebrating Eurocentrism and fairytales and the rape and murder of Native peoples on this land. I hate the idea that I should be thankful because of fate or things that were magically given to me, you know, because I'm a sinner and all, and I am so blessed that my life isn't so much worse than it is.

I hate Black Friday. I hate capitalism. I hate being poor. Being poor sucks the most during the holidays. Christmas is a celebration of gifts and money with a sprinkle of charity and Jesus...I could go on an on...

But in the past 6 months, I have met some really great people. And I am thankful for that. Great people who, like me, are moving forward, making things work, re-creating and re-defining their lives. I'm going to put the spotlight on Nancy Koerner at this moment.

I think I've stated before that I unofficially met Nancy at the NCADV conference over the summer. I expected that this conference change my life, as if the conference was an entity. But it was the people that I met and the relationships that were built that has carried me into the present.

Nancy has authored many posts on this site earlier in the fall.  I love her wisdom, insight, and her ability to speak to me so rawly when I seek her advice.  She sent me her book, Belize Survivor: Darker Side of Paradise, and I swear I've never been the same since. In fact, I believe I got off track with my blogging because I felt I didn't have anything interesting to say in comparison to what I'd just read. I have never been that engaged in a book since I read the Babysitter's Club series (other than Friendly Fire, by Felton).

Belize Survivor is so colorful. I mean this in a myriad of ways. I could see the color. I could feel and touch the color...it was alive. Her descriptions of plants and jewelry, sites and events, left me almost unable to separate my present life at that moment, from the story. While I was reading, I was inside of the book. I couldn't run away from it.

I also would add, that I felt a bit of vicarious trauma while engaged in the book. The descriptions of the emotional and physical pain were very real to me, even though I had not experienced domestic violence to this extent. This was okay because I am out of my situation and able to distinguish the past from the present. I tell you this because that is how great the writing is. You are forced to simultaneously become the main character and the omniscient reader.  Your mind begs for a resolution.

So we're going to try a little something-something. We are going to post Belize Survivor, piece by piece, and let you enjoy it for yourself. It is Nancy's gift to you and to the cause of being silenced no more.