Randi James' Presumptive Joint Custody Parenting Plan Questionnaire part 1

This presumptive joint custody-equal parenting-kids need both parents-traditional, natural families only-shared-parenting plan questionnaire is directed toward parents who have children under the age of 10...because at age 10, most kids should be asked who the fuck they want to live with.

1. Do father and mother work outside of the home?

if yes go to (a)

if no, whichever parent stays home shall be awarded majority custody (and I do mean stays home and thus is mostly responsible for the kids and managing their day-to-day activities)

a. Do father and mother both work full time?

if yes go to (b)

if no, whichever parent works part-time shall be awarded majority custody (and I do mean that the other half of the time is spent with the kids or managing/planning their day-to-day activities)

b. Whichever parent leaves the latest to get to work and/or gets home the earliest and then resumes most of the responsibility for the kids and managing their day-to-day affairs will have majority custody.

Rationale: If you are accustomed to having the most direct responsibility for your kids, and performing in that role, then your kids are used to that, and it is assumed that you did it the best, else you wouldn't have been doing it and the other parent would have gladly objected, and then taken over you duties.

The point of "the best interest of the children" is to resume, as best as we can, the normal activities that took place in the intact household (intact, meaning, when everything was running smoothly, before the lying, cheating, late nights at the office, "friends", "coworkers," and "long lost family" calling at strange hours...before you thought of the other parent as a bitch or sorry-ass-muthafucker). Anything less doesn't have a goddamn thing to do with the kids.


1. Well, Randi, what of neither of the parents work?

Well, holy shit! No wonder they want to get separated! Same overall thing applies--whichever parent assumed the greater responsibility for the children will get majority custody.

2. But, Randi, this isn't fair. You are rewarding the parent for working less?

No, I didn't do shit. You rewarded the kids (and yourselves) by setting up your schedules in this manner.

3. Okay, so what if both parents leave and return at the same times?

Okay, so you're really being an asshole. Figure it out and I'll tell you if you have the right answer.

You may use this parenting plan with permission of the author, Randi James. You may not modify this parenting plan without consent of the author.

*Disclaimer: Not for domestically violent homes.