Thursday

Survivors of Abuse React to Their Abusers in a Myriad of Ways

Remorse

–noun
1. deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction.
2. Obsolete. pity; compassion.

I am writing this piece after reading the comments on Justice's Posterous about the death of child sex abuser Dr. Rick Lohstrah.

Father's groups were livid when Rick's young son shot and killed him. They blamed the mother, insisting that either she implanted the idea into the son, or actually pulled the trigger. They also claimed the sexual abuse was a fabrication (because how could a father, let alone Doctor, sexually abuse his own son? *eyes rolling*) and that the mother had parentally alienated the children.

Everyone has their own theories, especially fraudulent psychologists, but it seems as though the father's supremacists only want to argue in their own favor (read Hell Must Have Frozen Over), even when the evidence is against them.

Does anyone look at evidence? Even the judges?

Our judicial system has disregarded evidence in favor of psychological hodgepodge and profiling. Don't people understand that just because something usually happens a certain way, doesn't mean it is 100%?

I'll use the following examples:

In his teens Paul Komyatti Jr. was convicted of conspiring with other family member to kill his drunken, abusive father. He got 27 years in prison probably because of this factor:

Tom Vanes, a former Lake County, Ind., prosecutor, remembers that he saw no remorse from family members, including Komyatti, during the initial weeks of the investigation.

"There was not the reaction you would expect to see for a kid who helped bury his dad. No love, no remorse, no empathy, no hesitation."
Why should he have felt remorse? Because it was his father? Because he was a teen?
Komyatti admits there was no love for his father, but he said that doesn't excuse or justify what they did. "I didn't think there was any other options," he said.
No love.

A woman by the name of Deborah Perez has come forward with evidence that her father was the infamous Zodiac Killer:
Perez claims she was a naive 7-year-old tagging along with her father during the killings.

"He told me he was sick, and all I wanted to do was help my dad," said Perez, who came to her conclusion about two years ago. "He kept telling me he was sick and he killed many, many people. I had no idea."
How long has she known this?

At the tender age of 7, all she wanted to do was help him. Apparently, it has taken her until her adult years to stop.

Connie Culp has been in the news recently as the first person to receive a face transplant. Interesting though how many news outlets downplayed how she came to need such a thing:
Five years after a gun blast shattered her nose, cheeks and upper lip, she had a band of scar tissue extending across her face.
But regardless of the circumstance that brought her to this, this is very clear:
Despite her wounds, she told WTOV in 2008, "I'll always love him. He was my first love."

At the same time, Culp said, she felt angry. "I wouldn't be human if I didn't. I forgive him, but I have to go on, you know?"
Always [love him]?

Greg Norton of the Atlanta Braves had hoped for almost 2 decades that this father did not strangle his mother to death. He even bailed him out of jail and paid off some of his debts.
"As far as resentment, it's not something that I sit back and say, 'I hate my father,'" Norton said. "I can't say that I hate my father. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. I think my parents did a good job of raising me to be a good person.
No hate. He grew up motherless but thinks his "parents" did a good job raising him.

?

At best, these are the public statements that these survivors of family violence have given. No one can tap into their mind and try to figure out the inner workings of their thoughts. No one. They only give us the information they want to give, and they give the most info obviously to the ones they trust. No one can predict that tomorrow, maybe they will change their minds, or maybe, secretly, they hold opposing viewpoints. No one.

Victims/survivors of family violence are especially complex and we do not serve them and their healing them by boxing them into groups just so we can understand. They are who they are. They are men and women, children and adults. They feel what they feel. They survived using the tools that they had at that time. They survived. They are Survivors.



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