Wednesday

You Must Be a Lesbo or Ho, If...

As I stood in the shower just now thinking about 9 Deuce's post, I laughed about how it seems that women's sexual status is of particular threat to men--and some women. Why is my sexuality, or anyone else's sexuality, of any importance, really?

So I came up with this list, short so far, mainly thinking of things said about celebrities, combined with some personal memories, of reasons why you must be a lesbian or a whore. Yes, they are mixed up, in no particular order, and some may have dual diagnoses:


1. If you acted in a movie as a lesbian, then you you must be a lesbian. (Queen Latifah)

2. If you hang around others that are susupected or confirmed to be lesbians, then you must be a lesbian. (Mariah Carey with Da Brat and/or Missy Elliot)

3. If you are NOT currently verified as having sex with men, or even being in a relationship with one, you must be a lesbian. (Alicia Keys)

4. If you are constantly seen with your best friend or assistant, who is a female, then you must be a lesbian. (Oprah, Whitney Houston)

5. Of course, if you are a feminist, you must be a lesbian.

6. But particularly if you work for NOW, you must be a lesbian.

7. If you have a woman OB/GYN you must be a lesbian.

8. If you didn't fuck ___(insert name of specific guy here)___, then you must be a lesbian.

9. If you fucked more than ONE guy, then you must be a ho.

10. If you fucked a guy on the first date, then you must be a ho.

11. If you got a divorce, then you must be a ho, maybe a lesbian.

12. If you won't get married, then you must be a ho, or a lesbian.

13. If he said he fucked you, then you must be a ho. (Mariah Carey/Eminem, and countless others)

14. If you rap, write, sing about the abuses you have experienced at the hands of men (or the empowerment of women), then you must be a lesbian. (Jazmine Sullivan, Erykah Badu)

15. If you have children with different men, you must be a ho. (Erykah Badu)

16. If you are two women (or possibly more, but two, for certain) in a singing group, then you must be a lesbian. (Floetry, TLC)

17. If you refuse to speak about your personal relationships in public, then you must be a lesbian. (Queen Latifah)

18. If don't wear dresses or acceptable sexy wear, you must be a lesbian. (Da Brat, T Boz, Chili, R.I.P Left Eye, R.I.P. Aliyah in her early days)

19. If you wear really sexy wear all the time, you must be a ho. (Mariah Carey)

20. If you know can identify lesbians (homoradar), without inquiry, then you must be a lesbian.

21. If you are one chick, in a group of boys, you must be a lesbo, (Eve), or a ho. (Fergie)

I'm stopping for now.